this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
our cab driver is having phone sex.
zippers are such a cool invention
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
