i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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