Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
