Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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