Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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