Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
