Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
