I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
