i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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