Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
