Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
