I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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