if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
it's great music for shaving your balls
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
