some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
