matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
