wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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