Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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