I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
