I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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