Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
