If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
last night I used snow as a chaser
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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