just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
