Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
