I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
