If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
