She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
