my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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