new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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