You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
The beer is more important than you right now.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
