I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
