I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
