I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
my shit smells like andre
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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