we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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