I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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