her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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