I wish i was in the wii world.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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