she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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