my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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