So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
