apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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