Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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