I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
