well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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