loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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