did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
