remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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