He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I need moral support for this bender
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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