I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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