i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
