fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
