somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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