I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
