thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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