please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
