honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
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On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize