I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
