My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize