I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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