Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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