Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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