y did u give ur computer a hand job?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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