I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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