Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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