She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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