If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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