I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
why do cheetos always look like penises
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
