I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
