Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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