We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
