I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
