I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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