OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
