is wine microwaveable?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
