Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
In other news, I just burned my penis
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
