my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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