I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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