no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm like, not good at living.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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