He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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