nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
