Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Alive.
So much puke
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
