no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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