you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
