the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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